Biking to the first day of school
This year, I was really happy to write my back to school post. I was all set with some great back to school gear, courtesy of Mabel’s Lables and Stride Rite (from the Social Luxe Lounge party at BlogHer’10), I had received letters last Thursday that Ben and Lily were both to be in the same 1st grade class as I had requested and they would even be in class with many of their best friends and our closest neighbor (hello, easy carpooling!). 4-year-old Ava is all set to go to her last year in our beloved preschool, this time to spend time in the creek at Vasona Park and I am taking a break from board positions this year to just enjoy and make life a little easier. Ahhh, the living is easy!
Ava's new shoes, courtesy of Strite Rite
Stickers, courtesy of Mabel's Lables
Bag tags, courtesy of Mabel's Lables
We strapped on our bike helmets and took off to Ben and Lily’s first day of school.10 minutes later we hit the “big kid” playground and ran into their classroom just in time. We walk in and see Lily’s best friend “The Other Lily.” Lily M waves and says “Lily! Hi!” We look around at the desks (desks! No more carpet squares like in kindergarten) for Ben and Lily’s names. Ben’s friend yells from the middle of the room “Ben!” and smacks the paper next to him with Ben’s nametag on it (“Benjamin”). We keep winding our way through the class, looking for “Lily K.” Hmmm….no Lily K. Let’s look for the teacher.
Ms. J walks up and askes “Is this Lily?”
Me: “Yes” (I’m smiling, beaming, a vision of running through a field of flowers – I’m so happy that I get to stay in ONE class and hear all of the same announcements and not run back and forth between their classes with a 4 year old in tow)
Ms. J: “Lily is in Ms. S’ class”
Me: (my face falls, the flowers in the field fade to dust around me, my head swims) “That is….unexpected”
“Ms. M (Lily’s kindergarten teacher) said they should be separated.”
Me: “I requested that they be together this year. The letter I received said they would both be in your class.”
Ms. J: “Well, let’s figure it out. For now, she can go to Ms. S’s class and we’ll keep each other updated.”
Me: “Ok….”
I do as I’m told, I suppose I’m that sort of person. And I didn’t want Lily to be upset on the first day of school. I kiss Ben goodbye quickly and say we’ll see him later. DAMMIT! Ms. J starts giving her welcome announcement to the class while my husband runs to the principal’s office and I wind my way out with Lily (she looking longingly at The Other Lily). DAMMIT! I’m missing the first announcement, right off the bat, first 2 minutes of 1st grade. We walk 2 doors down, Lily and I hand in hand, to Ms. S’s class.
Lily says “Separated again.”
Me: “We’ll figure it out. They made a mistake. For now, we’ll go to Ms. S’s class and we’ll figure it out.” (force smile…seething inside)
Ms. S is lovely. She welcomes us and makes a big deal out of finding Lily’s seat. At Lily’s table are two friends she knows from last year in kindergarten and close by at other tables are other friends. Sadie says “Hi, Lily!” Parents wave to me. I say hello, politely. I explain to Ms. S what happened and she assures me (us) that we’ll keep each other updated, that Lily will have a great day and that she’s available, only if to have a conversation. She’s very cute and pretty. So nice. So is Ms. J. But it is not really about the teachers right now. All the first grade teachers are great – we’re lucky to have any of them.
So why do I want them together this year? Ben and Lily were separated for kindergarten, I followed the “norm” advice. And they did great. They did fine. It was good for them to have that year apart to form their own friendships – not that they didn’t before in preschool, they did. Being boy/girl twins, they don’t have the same identity issues as same gender twins. And they don’t engage in big competitive stuff. Lily may be a little more shy than Ben, but Ben can be shy too in his own way. And Lily certainly doesn’t rely on Ben to do the talking for her. But….last year was very tough me on and on our family. There was little coordination between the teachers on homework, field trips, special events, and all the other stuff that happens in kindergarten. I’m not saying I want it to be exactly the same, but really it was frustrating how different it all was. Ben and Lily’s kindergarten teachers from last year couldn’t have been more different people, which was fine, they learned different things. But this year, with Ava in afternoon parent participation preschool, I have very little child care coverage and a lot of running around to do. I NEED to make things easier of myself.
Call it a gift to me, but I need it to be easier. And as long as it is not to Ben and Lily’s detriment, I don’t see anything wrong with this gift.
Also, they asked to be together. Well, Lily is probably more excited to be with Ben. But when I asked them both if they would like to be in the same class for 1st grade, they both said “YES!”
Being a twin myself, I am VERY sensitive to the issues of putting twins together in school (Robin and I were separated in 2nd grade and probably should have been separated earlier, since our teacher didn’t know which was which), so I will be the first one to stand up and say so if it isn’t working.
Back to the saga of the morning. I waited for about an hour (with Ava playing games on my iPhone – so handy that Talking Carl) to speak to the principal, while he wrapped up a new parents orientation meeting. Mr. M was very gracious, heard me out and said he would talk to the teachers and let me know. He told me that he had assigned them to the same class, but that he gives the teachers a little leeway in making changes. Apparently, they saw twins and just separated them, without reading my letter that I had written to Mr. M and without consulting me or him. I left to engage in some retail therapy (something I never do, but it did keep me busy!). Mr. M called me about 20 minutes before pickup to tell me that the decision had been made to put Lily back into Ms. J’s class and that Ben and Lily would be together again. Whew! THANK YOU!
Both had a great first day in any case. Lily had a great time in Ms. S’s class (“she’s funny!”), but was very happy to hear the news from Ms. J that she would be coming into her class the next day.
Yesterday when I picked them up from school, Ms. J said “They had a great day. If I hand’t have known they were twins, I would never guess. They ignored each other all day.”
Ha. See? Twins can be together in school. (Smugness is not a great trait of mine, so sorry.)
I’m interested to see what happens. Will it be as much easier as I think? Will there be other challenges? Of that I’m sure. But, challenge is, after all, what each year of school is all about.
Disclosure: I received three pairs of Stride Rite shoes (Ben’s are a little big for him still) and three packs of customized labels from Mabel’s Labels at the Social Luxe Lounge party at BlogHer’10 (Social Luxe Lounge is also a client of mine). I was not obligated to write about these products, but when I do all opinions expressed are my own. Thank you Social Luxe, Stride Rite and Mabel’s Labels!
