Archive for ‘Challenges’

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December 30, 2009

My #Best09…Inspired by @GwenBell – Best Workshop/Conference, Blog Find of the Year, Moment of Peace, Best Challenge, Album of the Year

Continuing @GwenBell ‘s #best09 Blog Challenge…

Read all of my #best09 here.

December 6 – Workshop or Conference

CCPPNS – California Council of Parent Participation Nursery Schools, Sacramento, CA, March 2009

Writing Motherhood
In 2009, I went to a couple of great conferences associated with blogging: BlogHer ’09 (my second year there), the 2009 California Women’s Conference. And I LOVE conferences – I think I could be a professional conference go-er (in fact, I am trying to work out my conference schedule for 2010 and it looking packed!). But, surprisingly, my favorite conference was one that I only got to one day of and it was one associated with my kids’ preschool. I am a member of the board of the school and several of us, along with the teachers and our director, attended the CCPPNS (California Council of Parent Participation Nursery Schools) Conference in Sacramento. I got up very early to drive the 2 hours to the conference for the day and just made in in time for the keynote by Lisa Garrigues, author of Writing Motherhood. I am so glad I made it there for that keynote, because, for me, it was amazing. The company was good too :)

It was a really different keynote in that it had a workshop element as part of it. I had already read Lisa’s book and done some exercises as part of it, since it was one of the first book clubs I manage for SV Moms Group. I loved how she got every person in that room, most people non-writers, to write. She set a timer and everyone wrote for 10 minutes. And everyone had something pretty amazing to say. As mothers, we all have things we want to remember and things that we need to work through. Like Gwen Bell’s prompts for this #best09 challenge, Lisa Garrigues has many writing prompts in her book which are so helpful. Here is what I wrote in this quick keynote workshop:

The Long and Short of It – Topic: Breakfast Time

It used to be that I was the one who got up first, maybe to a crying baby (or two…or three), to prepare breakfast for everyone, of milk (heated, of course), applesauce, mashed bananas, zwieback biscuits, baby yogurt and baby oatmeal, while I nursed the newborn, but now I am awakened to sounds from the kitchen of running footsteps, doors opening and then slamming shut, cereal pouring, spoons clanging and water filling from the refrigerator while I still lie in bed. I sort of miss the old days.

Later in the day, I went to a workshop with Lisa Garrigues, which was more of the same, but a bit more focused. It was nice to meet her in person, after emailing with her so much about the SV Moms Group book club the previous summer. She is a captivating speaker and teacher. I was really amazed at how much we got down on paper in an hour. I loved hearing what Teacher Annie wrote in this workshop – having college-aged girls, she has different things she carries (see the topic below) than I. We all carry something. Here is my writing from that workshop:

Workshop Topic: The Things We Carry

I carry a laptop bag today, but no laptop, which was very hard for me to separate from for one day. I carry the wonderings of what my children are doing today while I am not with them. I carry the guilt of taking this one day off. I carry the irritation with people who give birthday presents to others two to six months late every single year, but who pretend that they don’t. I carry my Flip camera, because I love to capture the present to watch in the future and the cooresponding feeling that I am missing the present altogether by recording it. I carry “The Power of Less” book that I only have time to read 5 pages of every weekend and the desire to eliminate the non-essential and gain more value and joy in my life., I carry the knowledge that I will be cramming to get Ben’s Kid of the Week poster done by Monday, as usual.

There were some other sessions that I really loved as well. The theme, “Play for Life,” is one that I embrace pretty seriously for my kids. I was bummed to have missed the Ooey Gooey Lady…there is always next year!

December 7 – Blog Find of the Year

1000AwesomeThings.com

1000 Awesome Things

You are sitting with your favorite and oldest friend (your sister) on vacation, chatting about this and that. She thinks of something to show you on her laptop and suddenly you are sucked into cheesy theme songs from 80′s sitcoms and reading the nutritional label and eating it anyway and all sorts of awesome things that make you smile.  She told you about 1000 Awesome Things and it is truly…

AWESOME!

Seriously, this must be the funnest blog to write, ever.

December 8 – Moment of Peace

Mother’s Day at Yoga Source

YogaSource Los Gatos

For Mother’s Day 2009, I decided to treat myself and go to a yoga class at Yoga Source in Los Gatos. I hadn’t been to a live yoga class in probably 6 years, before becoming pregnant with my twins. I had been doing yoga via yogatoday.com, which is great if you can’t get to a class…but a class is oh, so much better. The heat, the people, the audible breath, the wood floor, the instructor who comes around and adjusts you or gives you a quick massage if you are one of the lucky ones. I felt present, there, smooth, strong. Om.

December 9 – Challenge

Teaching at Solo Practice University

Solo Practice University
As a lawyer who has operated her solo law practice for the past 5 years, I know what it is like to be out there on your own. I wanted to give back to my profession and to help other lawyers who are starting out on their own (especially in this economy – law firm jobs are not what they used to be…if they are there at all). I agree to teach a class called “Outsourced General Counsel” at Solo Practice University, which just finished up. I could have taught another 20 classes (or more!), but decided I had to give it up due to the time it takes to prepare the classes (at least the way I do it).

Therein lied the challenge. First of all, the video intro. Who knew that talking for 60 seconds (and ONLY 60 seconds) into a video camera was so hard. Memorize lines much? No. Sit up straight much? No. Dress up and do movie makeup much? No. Thankfully, my husband helped me and it only took me 150 hours or so to do a 60 second intro.

Then the actual teaching of the class. Putting together a class, even if you know the material very well, proved tough for me at times. Knowing it would be online was even tougher, because you don’t have that immediate feedback to know if people are getting it. It took me a while to figure out how to set it up technically – I ended up doing mostly slidecasts with powerpoint and an audio track. It was fun to conquer the technical side of it, because it was not easy (and I am fairly techy, I think).

It was also challenging to give it up. Truthfully, I feel like a quitter in some respects. But…I am committed to focusing on the essential and this just didn’t make the cut. I really enjoy speaking and teaching and sharing with people, and I’m still looking at ways to do those things that make sense time and effort-wise. I learned a lot from this experience (and other speaking and teaching I have done over the past couple of years) and I will carry that with me into the future.

December 10 – Album of the Year

Matt Nathanson – Some Mad Hope

Some Mad Hope
I bought the album for the song Come On Get Higher, but love the whole thing start to finish.

(I am slightly embarrassed to admit that I also love the Glee soundtrack :) )

Posted in #best09, Book Club, Challenges, It's all about ME, My Twin Sis, Solo Practice University, SV Moms | 1 Comment »

September 16, 2009

Back to school: Ben and Lily’s first few weeks of kindergarten is a mixed bag

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My twins club blog, Mad About Multiples, is having a topic week this week on Back to School, which has spurred me on to finally write about this! This post is cross-posted at Mad About Multiples and you can read more Back to School with Twins posts there.

On Tuesday, August 25th, Ben and Lily had a big day – they headed to kindergarten at our neighborhood public school. It was an exciting morning! The First Day of School Fairy came (thank you for the idea Makes and Takes!) and brought the kids new lunchboxes, thermoses, some craft projects and Peanut M&Ms for an after school treat. We jetted off on scooters to settle in and get introduced. It was a big disorganized – no true kindergarten orientation and we got the schedule for the morning at 10:30 as we were leaving…a nice memory, would have been nice to have that BEFORE the morning began! But all in all, a successful initial start.

Ben and Lily are in separate classes and Jeff took Lily to her class, while I started in Ben's. I teared up a little as Ben's teacher read "The Kissing Hand" (one of our favorite books that we've had for a long time, courtsey of Nana Sandy)…not really because they were going to kindergarten, but it was sort of a twin parent moment. I wanted to soak in Ben's first day, but I was also a bit sad to be missing Lily's first moments. It is always hard to feel pulled in two different directions with twins (oh, the guilt!). But, as it turned out, Ben's teacher was quick to turn us parents loose, while Lily's teacher took her time, so I was able to luckily make it over to Lily's class and hear her teacher read "The Kissing Hand" as well (and to get my special kiss!). Having Ava there as well complicated things just a bit, but she was very patient and excited to see what this kindergarten was all about, so it was fine.

I thought that perhaps our trip to the East Coast that we had just returned from five days prior would help out with the early morning wakeup time, but….no. Wow, what a change. After a lazy summer and afternoon preschool for the past year, we are NOT used to early rising, much less early getting dressed, eating breakfast, brushing teeth and getting out the door. School begins at 8:03am (such weird times!) and we scooter or walk there, so…(carry the 1…) we have to leave at 7:25am to get there on time. 7:25. Wow. That's early.

Of course, Miss Me Too (3-year-old Ava) thinks she is in kindergarten too. She insists on me packing her a lunchbox too and follows the kids on the playground to put her hands on her head and stop playing when the bell rings to go line up. Funny. (She is also doing nightly homework…more on that below.)

I'm not going to lie. It has been a mixed bag. It is GREAT to be going to our neighborhood school. I love scootering to and from school (the kids have learned to balance and ride their bikes sans training wheels with all this practice!) and seeing all the kids in our neighborhood heading in that direction, playing at the park with our new school/neighborhood friends, being able to do easy playdates, and just being close to home. On the other hand, I DESPISE how overly structured, pressured, and academic kindergarten is proving to be (I knew it would be, but didn't know how much) and I disagree with the negative discipline tactics that are often employed (e.g., take away recess or free choice time if you don't get through your work…these kids NEED to play!). For my kids, who NEVER once had a "bad" day at Explorer Preschool and have a true love of learning, this whole thing has been a bit of a shock to the system.

Ben has had an especially hard time. Ben was labeled as an "emerging leader" at Explorer, which is frowned upon by academic, negative discipline types. At times, I DO want him to sort of…join the rest of society and not have it be "his choice" ALL the time. But I also don't want his spirit to be squashed. I am a big fan of thinking outside the box and believe that churning out students who can take tests, but not THINK is and will not be good for our future. 

For Lily, well, she's a pleaser. She LOVES kindergarten. On her first day, she said it was the BEST DAY EVER! And it has only gotten better (she has her times when she wants to stay home and relax, but mostly it is all rosy). Her teacher hasn't given homework yet really, but we give her optional stuff because she just wants to. She is excited that her teacher LETS her do homework. Joy! (I'm so glad I separated them for kindergarten, by the way.) I sometimes feel guilty that I am spending so much time making sure Ben is ok…I hope I can remember to focus on Lily too.

We ARE making progress. Jeff and I have both made some major changes in our lives over the past few weeks. I
am taking a leave from my law practice (maybe a month, maybe more) and Jeff has committed to: 1) take Ben and Lily to school every Monday to show them he views it as important and 2) be home at 6pm (instead of 7 or 7:30 or…) so that we can all do homework together (this one is tough for him with his commute from work and his high-pressure job right now, but he's trying). We are staying in contact with Ben and Lily's teachers and doing a lot of the other things that are supposed to help. I am volunteering in both of their classrooms on Fridays – they are very different, their teachers could not be more opposite – and the kids are excited about that and it seems very comfortable for them and for me, coming from a coop preschool background.

Homework, like making lunches and getting up early, is becoming a bit more routine. I was and remain philosophically against homework in kindergarten (apart from reading 20 minutes or more a day), but I am actually realizing that if you have to get these academic standards met, you really have to do the homework. And, for Ben, it is actually proving to be a confidence builder. Ben has always been a kid who is cautious and wants to be 150% sure that he can do something perfectly before he tries and this stalls him. So we baby step it at home with the homework and he's getting it.

As much as I dislike this, I find myself doing a sticker chart for "good days" and homework, with a reward. I guess I feel like we need this as a temporary motivational tool and…it is working. Ben is pretty motivated to do well at school because of it and hopefully we can help him see the other reasons to do well over time. 

I am AMAZED at how much Ben and Lily are learning in kindergarten. They seem so much older and more capable after just one month. I am not celebrating the academics though – it saddens me how much they are expected to do at age five. I am SO glad that we did Explorer and let them "just play" and learn things that were age-appropriate. They actually did learn a ton at Explorer – both conventional and unconventional things. And I am thankful for that unique experience. I guess I just hope we can continue to give them the opportunities to think outside the box at home, even if they don't get those opportunities much at school.

In some ways, I wish I could send them all to a private school (which would probably have to be a little bit hippie) to get what I feel is best. But at the same time, I don't want to work full-time at a boring job in order to be able to afford private school for all three of my kids AND I feel like there are things that can be done to improve the California public school system. I only hope the pendulum hasn't swung too far in the wrong direction.

Note: I'm late in getting this August topic published for Back to School as a part of the Yahoo! Mothers Board, but, as you can see, we've been busy! You can read other Yahoo! Mothers Board members posts about Back to School by Kim, Donna, April, Joanne, and Julie.

Some resources from Yahoo! for Back to School:

Posted in Ava, Ben, Challenges, Family, Kindergarten, Lily, Milestones | 1 Comment »

July 16, 2009

Never-Ever-Ending Laundry

What Happened to the Girl I Married?-1 Being a work-at-home-mom, it seems like I should be able to just throw a load in a couple of times a day, get it dried and folder and put away, while I'm on a conference call or making dinner. Easy, right? Right?….Nope.

I shut the door regularly to our laundry room. It's a good thing we remodeled our house before we had kids. When we moved into our house 6 years ago, we had a galley kitchen and the washing machine and dryer were right next to the stove (bonus counter space!). Alas, there was no storage…and no door to shut. We created a laundry room and all I have to say about that is Thank God. 

There are constantly stacks and piles of dirty laundry, clean laundry, folded laundry. The washing machine and dryer seem to always be on (in fact, I can hear it. Right. Now.) Sometimes I forget about a load for a few days and have to rerun it. I feel GREAT when I can actually get it all done – usually before we are leaving for a trip or having houseguests or a party – but the feeling of doneness is so very fleeting. Because the second I swoosh the last drawer closed, there comes 3 sets of muddy footprints and accompanying muddy pants and socks scooting down the hall, there comes an accident from little Ava (Yay! She's potty trained!…mostly), there comes the dress-up princesses who have spilled chocolate milk down their fronts, there are Jeff's socks which for some unknown reason he leaves under the couch pillows while relaxing to Jimmy Fallon late at night, there comes ME who has been pretty good at working out on a daily basis lately, so much have clean Lululemon pants for tomorrow.

Michael Miller's book "What happened to the girl I married?" includes an entire section on laundry. Yes, it sounds a lot like a rant at times (see above rant for an example), but here's the thing – it's TRUE! This guy (a Silicon Valley executive) took a year to spend in his wife shoes as a stay-at-home-parent and one of his first "chores" (as he calls them at first, before realizing the error of his ways) is to improve the process of the laundry. He, like many of us I believe, found himself defeated, defeated by the laundry.

My husband and I have tried similar process improvements. Ala Fly Lady – do one load of laundry a day. Simple! Right? Nope, nope, nope. Too much going on. Pulled in too many directions. Priorities – everything is a priority. And sometimes, for the laundry, I just have to simply close the door.

Original Me Too You post. This post is part of the July book club for Silicon Valley Moms Group, discussing What happened to the girl I married? by Michael Miller. Read other book club posts here.

Posted in A good read, Challenges, SV Moms | 11 Comments »

April 29, 2008

Maria, Maria – so it’s not just me and it’s not just you

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Last night, I went to a private event at Books, Inc. in Palo Alto, with my fellow Silicon Valley Moms Blog writers, to meet a girl named Maria. Maria who, you ask? Well, if you read her latest book, Just Who Will You Be?: Big Question. Little Book. Answer Within., you will know that her name itself can be a long answer. Maria Shriver. First Lady of California. News Archorwoman. Mom of 4 kids! Wife of Arnold, the Govenator. A member of Kennedy royalty. Oh, it goes on and on. Sort of like her hair. Wow. I mean, wow.

Early on in our talk, Maria made reference to what it took for us all to be there (i.e., a man probably wouldn’t think twice about it, but we ladies likely all shuffled many things around, considered not going many times during the day due to other pressures, etc.). Um, yeah. Though I never considered not going (Hello? Getting to hang out with my fellow Silicon Valley Moms writers, meeting Maria Shriver, ice cream?? I’m there!) for me, this event was sandwiched between many, many, many other things in my life (work, kids, Gemini Crickets auction meeting, attempt to go to bed early so I can get up for boot camp this morning…that one didn’t happen, American Idol – missed that too). I have to say this was the one hour of the day that was relaxing for me. And I am grateful for that break.

I carpooled up with my Gemini Crickets and fellow Silicon Valley Moms bloggers, Akemi and Linda. (Cheryl was there too, but she drove separately.) On the drive up, we were talking about Maria’s book and I was telling my good friends about how yesterday morning, I was driving home at 6:30am (I know….) from boot camp and thinking about the day ahead. This is sort of my train of thought: "So much on my plate today. And everyday. The kids to spend time with and nurture…work for clients to do (due…yesterday!)…Relationships – with my husband, friends, family – to pay attention to… The juggle. And why do I have to be perfect at it all? Whew! Do I stop all day long? No. No. No. Sometimes I wish I could just sit and think. Ponder the world for a while. Maybe I should do just that…." And then I got home and picked up Maria’s book – I had read the first third of the book and needed to finish it before the evening. (Not that it is a tough read – it is very easy and fast – just such is my life! Good thing it is easy to pick up and put down and pick up again…) So I got to the part where she let’s go of the strive for perfection. So it is not just me that has this issue. Lightbulb. I guess I know this, but to be reminded of it at just this moment was pretty powerful.

When we met, she talked about that as well. How this is not just her story of trying to find herself. All women of all ages and stages of life have these issues – trying to be perfect, trying to be things for people other than just ourselves (as Maria says, try not to use the word "just" – I’m working on it), rather than trying to find themselves.

I once saw Maria and Arnold on a street in New York. I was there on business, attending PC Expo (I think), when John F. Kennedy, Jr. and Carolyn Bessette Kennedy died. The city was in shock and mourning, and we passed this pretty normal sad looking couple on the street. We didn’t say anything (although we did discuss later that Arnold was shorter than we thought he was, and Maria looked fabulous even when sad). Now that I "know" Maria a little better, I think back to that moment on the street and wished I had given her a hug. Anyway, here’s one for you now, Maria. And one for myself too. Cause we’re all in this one together – each finding our own "one wild and magnificent life".

Posted in A good read, Challenges, Friends, SV Moms | 1 Comment »

February 12, 2008

First Preschool Field Trip

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    Ben and Lily has their first ever preschool field trip. I really thought this was no big deal – well, that is was a big milestone, but that they would have no problem with it. From the photos, it looks like they had a great time…

They went to the California Theater in Sunnyvale to see a production of Cinderella. Have I mentioned that Ben is getting to an age where he loves that he is a boy? That he has learned (even though we try not to gender stereo-type, etc.) that boys don’t like princesses? (Pssst – he secretly does like princesses, but he learned this little "rule" somewhere – probably preschool – so tries to keep up with the crowd). So he heard we were going to see Cinderella and he said "No. I don’t want to. I want to see Star Wars. I’m not going. NEVER!" We went anyway, of course. He was fine before we attempted to walk in the door of the theater. Then – the "NEVER!" resumed. I tried to talk him into how great it was going to be and how there other things in the play besides princesses, etc. It almost didn’t happen. I wasn’t supposed to stay for the play (I had planned on doing some work), but I ended up changing my plans. Such is life with kids! He finally was persuaded to come into the theater when I told him that Justin, his best friend from school, was probably looking for him and wanted Ben to come sit by him. We went in, he LOVED the play, as did Lily. The play was really funny and well suited for kids’ age. The "crow sisters" (evil step-sisters) were hilarious and the kids were all talking about them as we filed out of the theater into the lobby.

Ben was happily one of the first ones out of the theater and headed for the door. I think it would have been fine if I had know beforehand that we weren’t going outside immediately, but instead were staying in the lobby to meet the cast (have I mentioned that my kids are deathly afraid of people in costume? AKKK!). But since I wasn’t supposed to be a working mom in the class today, I didn’t know this piece of information, so I had to drag Ben back into the lobby from the door leading outside the theater to that lovely fountain in the sun. Ben was not happy at all about this turn of events and let it be known. He threw an absolute tantrum and refused to stay by the other kids. He ran off around the side of the theater, wailing. Since it was a field trip, I kept telling him that we all needed to stay together. To no avail. Poor Lily felt really bad for him and couldn’t seem to enjoy herself either – she came and brought him a snack and sat by him. I finally had to leave early, with Ben (and myself) crying to the car all the way there. I couldn’t believe how upset I got as well, but you just never know what will bring everyone to tears sometimes. I think for me it had a lot to do with just not expecting this to be difficult at all and then feeling pressure of everyone else’s kids doing great on the field trip and why do I have to have the problem kid? Also, I was supposed to be working and so felt unfocused and exhausted when it came to figuring out how to deal with the situation. Looking back, I can see all kinds of things I would do differently. Then again, hindsight is 20-20 and sometimes things just throw me for a loop.

So I’ll try to remember the good part of their first field trip – Ben and Lily’s laughter at the crow sisters, Ben holding Justin’s hand before the play outside, and Lily playing by the fountain. And, I know that even though these guys seem really big and grown up these days, they are still just little kids for whom new experiences can sometimes bring unexpected reactions. Hey – that still happens to me!

Posted in Ben, Challenges, Lily, Preschool | Comments Off

February 3, 2008

And Then What Are We Going to Do?

This is one of Lily’s – just turned 4-year-old! – torturous activities favorite games. I know she is in the Why? Why? Why? phase, but jeez! Enough already. Sometimes I have to say to her “Clear your mind of questions, Lily” (ala Yoda when he is training Luke in the Empire Strikes Back – yes, Star Wars, one of Ben and Lily’s newest passions). It begins when we wake up in the morning and continues, oh, pretty much throughout the day. She just wants to know EXACTLY what is going to happen next….and then what…and then what…and so on.

“What are we doing today, Mama”

“We’re going to school”

“Oh….And then what are we going to do?”

“We’re going to come home and have some lunch”

“And then what are we going to do?”

“We’re going to have some quiet time”

“And then what are we going to do?”

“Ummmm (I haven’t planned this, of course)….well, Mommy will be working for a while and J (our nanny) will probably do some art
projects with you guys”

“And then what are we going to do”

“We’ll have dinner (here’s where I start to catch on and supply the rest of the details to try to cut her off), play a bit more, brush our
teeth, read some books, sing some songs and go to bed”

“And then what are we doing to do” (Isn’t that enough?!)

“And then we’ll sleep all night long”

“And I will have a great sleep”

“Yes” (whew! done for 10 minutes)

I myself am not much of a planner. I like to go with the flow. I figure that things will work out for the best, that every new
experience is something to be experienced without much planning. I was never one to have a “Five Year Plan” or map out much in my life.
Sometimes this gets me into trouble – for instance, my career has been somewhat unplanned and at times I feel like, as such a major part of my life, it should be more clearly potted out. Or certain vacations, I think I would have benefited from doing a bit more advance planning so that we didn’t waste time figuring out what the heck there was to do in this fantastic location we were in. But, mostly, I feel that it has
been good to be open to new forks in the road that might take me into new directions that I hadn’t considered. This all being said, I can
definitely plan for other people. I obsess about what to pack for the kids on a vacation to make sure they are all taken care of. I plan
endlessly for my clients. But, personally, I like surprises.

To plan or not to plan? What’s better?

Posted in Challenges, Lily | Comments Off

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